omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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