I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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