i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
