i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
