brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
