Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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