how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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