i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
