I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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