you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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