Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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