You smell like a Billy Joel song
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My life is pants optional.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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