Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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