At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
