his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
