Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
