i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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