I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
