There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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