I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
