i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
sex in a hospital.. check
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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