apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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