Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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