I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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