i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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