Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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