Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
