The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
