He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Operation Purity has been aborted
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
