be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
