At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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