I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
