i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
