Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Someone signed my nipple.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
