Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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