did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
