Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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