I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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