It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
