Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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