I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
