..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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