you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
