for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
