It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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