Your dad touched me again.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
