Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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