Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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