and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
