can we get nightvision for the apartment?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
