So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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