so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
