Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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