This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
